Heartbreak is painful, but there are ways to cope to feel better. Learn how to mend a broken heart and support yourself through the recovery process.

Heartbreak is an experience that most of us go through at some point in our lives, and a natural reaction to something that’s broken is wanting to fix it. Mending a broken heart begins with understanding the pain and making space for it.

Once you know why it can feel so painful, you can then recognize and understand the different stages of heartbreak. And if you’re aware of each stage and the sort of emotions and feelings to expect, you can move through your journey with more self-compassion and self-awareness.

Why are heartbreaks painful?

On a biological level, our bodies sometimes react to heartbreak in a similar way to how it responds to physical pain. Our brain may perceive heartbreak as emotional pain, and it may respond by releasing stress hormones, like cortisol. These hormones can cause physical symptoms, such as a tight or heavy chest, trouble sleeping, or appetite loss.

Psychologically, heartbreak can bring a mix of emotions, like sadness, loss, and even grief. We might also battle feelings of inadequacy or face a dip in our self-esteem. When we’re broken-hearted, we're not just losing a person but also the dreams, plans, and future we envisioned with them. The loss spans multiple levels, making it a complex emotional challenge to overcome.

When you acknowledge the real effects heartbreak has on your wellbeing, you can pave the way for healing and recovery.

The 5 stages of heartbreak

Feeling heartbroken is a process that unfolds over time and is often not linear. It's sometimes marked by different stages, each with its own set of emotions and challenges. When you understand what's happening at each stage, you can better find your way back to a place of balance. You might experience these stages in a different way or encounter them in a different order, or not feel them at all. No two relationships are the same, and therefore no two breakups are the same.

However you experience heartbreak, it can be helpful to know that with some time and effort, you can feel like yourself again.

1. Denial and/or shock

This is often one of the initial stages of heartbreak, where the reality of the situation hasn't yet been processed in our brain. You might find it hard to accept that the relationship has changed or ended. Denial is a protective shield your mind puts up to deal with the immediate shock of the loss.

2. Anger and blame

Once shock fades, it can sometimes be replaced by anger or frustration. This anger could be directed toward yourself, your ex-partner, or the circumstances that led to the heartbreak. It's a common way of coping with the emotional loss and trying to make sense of it.

3. Bargaining

If you experience this stage while you’re navigating heartbreak, you’ll likely find yourself wishing and hoping for things to go back to how they were. There might be a lot of “what if” and “if only” thoughts swirling around your mind or fantasies about scenarios where things work out.

4. Depression and isolation

As reality sets in, it might bring sadness and depression. It's common to withdraw from social activities and seek solitude to process the loss. You might also find yourself anxious or worried about the future. This stage can often last the longest.

5. Acceptance and healing

Acceptance is where healing truly begins. It's about coming to terms with the new reality, gently letting go of the past, and looking forward to the future. It’s also about forgiving yourself and others. It’s where the idea of moving on starts to take a realistic shape.

How to cope with a heartbreak: 8 tips to navigate a broken heart

Tending to a broken heart requires patience, self-compassion, and actionable steps. And while the path may feel lonely at times, you should never be afraid to seek support. Whether it's through loved ones, professional guidance, or using mindfulness and self-care practices, you can emerge stronger and more self-aware.

1. Allow yourself to grieve

Embrace your feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or any other emotion that arises. Acknowledge them without judgment — they’re part of the healing process.

💙 Understand the importance of grief in Why Grief, Why Now with Joanne Cacciatore, PhD.

2. Seek support to help you cope

Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Consider talking to a therapist who can provide professional advice on how to navigate heartache.

💙 Learn why Mindful Friendships are crucial in the heartbreak healing process.

3. Practice self-care

Dedicate time to rest, eat well, and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. Self-care is crucial in rebuilding your emotional and physical energy.

💙 Rebuild your love of self with Self-Compassion, a brief meditation by Tamara Levitt.

4. Lean into healthy habits

Healthy habits support your physical wellbeing, which, in turn, supports your emotional wellbeing. Prioritize exercise, rest, and nourish your body with a balanced diet.

💙 Alleviate the pressure of heartbreak in this Breaking Habits Series by releasing Worry and replacing it with healthier habits.

5. Set boundaries with your ex-partner

Create a respectful distance between you and your ex-partner to allow space for healing. Boundaries are essential for recovery from a broken heart. They also make the process of moving on to date again easier.

💙 Protect your peace and learn to set Healthy Boundaries with Jeff Warren.

6. Focus on your goals and dreams

Channel your energy toward pursuing your goals. Whether it’s a hobby, wanting to advance in your career, or exploring new interests, keep your focus on positive growth.

💙 Uncover The Why Behind Your Goals with Jay Shetty.

7. Practice mindfulness techniques

Engage in mindfulness practices like meditation, breathing exercises, and journaling to encourage you to simply be, exist, and thrive in your new reality. These techniques can help you stay connected with yourself, process your emotions, and rest.

💙 Practice mindfulness before bed in this Evening Wind Down routine.

8. Remind yourself that healing takes time

Be patient with your healing journey. Take it one day at a time, and be compassionate with yourself and your healing process. Every journey is unique.

💙 Combat restlessness during your healing journey with this impactful 10-minute meditation on Patience.

How to mend a broken heart FAQs

Q: How long does it take to heal a broken heart?

Healing a broken heart is a personal process. There's no fixed timeline for healing emotional pain, as it depends on things like the depth of the relationship, your personal coping skills, and the support system you have. It's important to allow yourself the time you need to heal. Engage in self-care practices, seek support from loved ones or professionals, and be patient with your progress. Over time, the pain will lessen, and you'll find yourself moving forward.

Q: How do you get over a broken heart when you still love them?

Getting over heartbreak while still in love can be particularly challenging. It's a journey that requires acceptance, self-compassion, and often a change in perspective. Accepting the reality of the situation is the first step toward healing. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you're going through. Engage in activities that promote self-growth and happiness. Over time, focusing on your own wellbeing and building a fulfilling life can help you heal.

Q: Why does heartbreak hurt so much?

Heartbreak is a complex emotional experience that triggers real physiological responses in your body. The emotional pain can activate the same areas in the brain as physical pain, which can make heartbreak feel so painful. Additionally, the loss of a relationship can also mean the loss of shared dreams, routines, and a sense of security. The combination of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical pain makes heartbreak a deeply hurtful experience.

Q: What are the 4 stages of healing a broken heart?

While the stages of recovering from heartbreak can vary, a simplified model mentions four stages include denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. Each stage represents a different emotional response to the loss and is a part of the process toward acceptance and healing. It's a path that can help you work through your emotions, come to terms with your new reality, and find a way to move forward.

Q: How do you accept a relationship is over?

Accepting the end of a relationship is a crucial step in the healing process. It may involve acknowledging the emotions, understanding the reasons behind the breakup, and giving yourself permission to grieve the loss.

Over time, focusing on your own life, setting new goals, and building supportive relationships can help in accepting the change. It's about creating a new narrative for your life and finding happiness in your own growth and the new opportunities ahead. Remember, seeking professional support like therapy can also provide valuable insights and strategies in navigating through this acceptance.

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